Parent Psychology Therapy Cards for Mothers, Fathers, Children In Israel

By Joel Leyden
Israel News Agency

Tel Aviv----April 13...... Dr. Steven Richfield, an American child psychologist, has developed a new "parent training model", one that asks parents to switch from "Parent Cop" to "Parent Coach." His resulting parenting program has received extensive national and international attention and is now being practiced in Israel by Sara Silber, a child psychologist based in Ra'anana, Israel.

In the family advice program, both mothers and fathers in Israel learn how to be proactive in helping the child develop self-talk coping skills that the child will, in time, learn to use by himself when faced with emotional or behavioral "traps".

In traditional parenting and child education, most of us tend to react to our children's misbehaviors and mistakes by giving criticism, sometimes yelling, and dishing out punishment. Mothers and fathers feel badly about it then, but hope that the child will thereby learn from his mistakes. The problem there, however, is that the child then is so involved with his hurt pride and anger at the excited parent, that he is not really open to absorbing the lesson you may be trying to teach him. In addition, even if the child is learning what they should not have done they are not really learning what they should have done.

The child parent relationship becomes strained and the child may view his excited and angry parent as against him rather than on his side. Children resist being instruments of control or criticism and will resist lessons being taught when in that frame of mind. In the Parent Coach model parents help the child anticipate common problems, avoid hazardous situations, and develop and practice the skills necessary to meet and beat challenges. The focus is not on the child's mistakes but on life skills that are needed to be learned by all the family. The child sees the parent as an ally, not an adversary. In fact, the parent even asks for coaching tips from the child. All are in it together.

The program, which was also designed for educators, child psychology clinics, schools, social workers, child welfare department workers, guidance counselors, speech, drama, and art therapists, kindergartens, grade schools, and university professionals in Israel, uses a tool called Parent Teacher Coaching Cards, which contain 20 illustrated child psychology messages.

This professional advice is relayed and discussed with the child when there is a calm atmosphere between the parent and child. One child therapy message for example is "Step Into Your Cantaloupe Skin" and it's point is to give the child sturdiness when he is feeling vulnerable, to help him armor himself emotionally when he knows he is entering into an area where he will feel weak. Maybe he will be taking an exam on a subject where he feels dumb or he will be going to a party where he knows a bully will torment him. The message teaches the child to say to himself in such a situation, "I can't expect success all the time. Hard times are a part of everyone's life. I must remember that although I feel bad when things don't work out, I am not a bad person. I do plenty of things just fine and people notice my strengths. I need to remember my successes right now, the pride I can feel and all the good things others believe about me. I can use this pride and grow a thicker "cantaloupe skin" (as opposed to having a thin banana skin) to prepare for what's coming. My "thinking side" will help me do this."

In implementing the technique the parent talks about his own daily frustrations and when he himself needed to don the cantaloupe skin in order to handle himself successfully, and the child learns the self-talk messages with the help of parental modeling.

In Israel, where children are under a high level of daily stress due to terrorism, war, and trauma, the need for emotional tools is even more pronounced. Children who hear about terror attacks in Israel need a way to bounce back to normal life in order to maintain basic sanity.

The card "Quick Recovery" can be one of a few psychology tools to help children recover from stress. Likewise, children in stressful life situations such as divorce, death of a family member, relocation, serving in Israel Defense Forces, immigration adjustments, needing to learn a new language, can all benefit from this child psychology program. With the parents comfortably talking about their own experiences in the situations depicted, the family develops a language with catch-phrases that remind and prompt children how to act. Phrases such as "quit the clowning", "quick recovery", "don't take the bait", and "beat the fear" will, in the end, be enough to coach the youngster successfully through tough situations.

This child psychology therapy approach is suitable for all Israel children, (ages 4 onwards), teens too, and is especially helpful for children with attention or learning problems. Adults find it helpful for themselves as well, as I know that I use the technique myself. When parents in Israel talk naturally, in a peaceful milieu, about the best ways to cope with probable future challenges, talk about their own tough times, and model the program's self-talk messages themselves, at home, in front of their children, the messages then become internalized by children. This internalization translates into more mature social and emotional behavior and your kids will come back for more.

The Parent Coaching Cards have been reviewed by the Jerusalem Post and several Israel magazines. The Sara Silber Israel Child Psychology Clinic in Raanana offers workshops, seminars, and lectures on the subject to mothers, fathers, psychologists, therapists, social workers, kindergarten, gans and grade school teachers, art, speech, and drama therapists, at her clinic and throughout Israel. Sara Silber, Educational Psychologist Specialist, certified family and marriage therapist, and Israel Court approved divorce dispute mediator was trained in Israel and in the United States. Silber is bilingual, specializes in ADHD, sensory sensitivities, learning and emotional problems, and uses a wide array of therapeutic tools including play therapy. She is the exclusive authorized trainer in Israel for Dr. Steven Richfield's Parent-Coach approach, having received permission from him to bring it to Israel after she used it successfully with her child patients in her private practice. Sara Silber offers clinics and workshops to parents on the coaching cards, in English and in Hebrew, in her Raanana clinic and in schools across Israel.